February 29, 2012

Whoops.. sweet baby

Kael and Raegan collided yesterday while playing at a friends house, giving Raegan her first real shiner. Her glasses cut up her eyelid quite a bit, but not quite enough for stitches. This is this morning, and it looks MUCH better than it did yesterday. She is such a tough cookie! I'm told she only cried for a minute. My Raegan is stoic. She's the kid that'll fall down on the playground and just say nothing about it until she is in a safe/un judgmental place. Then she needs her Mama to hold her. Many a time I pick her up from school and she's clearly holding something back, and I don't hear about it till we get close to the car and away from anyone who might see her "weakness". I worry about Rae a lot. She is SUCH a people pleaser, she really wants nothing more in this world than to be liked. Kids can pick on her and she just takes it and rarely tells anyone. I've had a fair share of shocks at her casual stories at bedtime about what happened that day at school. She doesn't want anyone to think less of her, so she treats herself as if she has little value and puts EVERYONE else and all of their needs before her own ( except Kael/family. Thank goodness). My challenge as her Mama is to help her see her own value, to defend herself and to give value and consideration to her own needs some times. Who has to teach their kid to be selfish?? This Mama. Raegan doesn't seem to know how amazing she is.
Tuesday nights are "family swim" at our local pool and we go just about every week. It's fun family together time that we all look forward to. One week Matt was feeling sick and as we were excitedly heading up stairs to change into swimwear he says he's just going to stay home, he really doesn't feel well. Five minutes later I'm changed in to my suit and heading down the stairs when I see Raegan come out of her room, all wrapped up in her 'jammies. When asked why she wasn't in her swimsuit she replied that she was worried about Dad, and she didn't want him to stay home alone. You could see on her face that she was BUMMED that she wasn't going, she LOVES our pool time. But she put Dad and his needs first, she was going to stay home with him. ( We put that little lady back in her swim suit and dad came to the pool with us, he just sat on the sidelines and watched). That is Raegan. It makes me extra sensitive to her bonks and bruises, because she holds so much emotion inside. This owie, caused by a brother that she defended as blood ran down her face and made worse by the glasses that set her apart amongst her friends, just killed me. SHE is fine, but her Mama is having a hard time not crying every time I see it. I can't say it enough, I have been so very blessed to have this child in my life. She is everything that is good and amazing about children, and I have no idea what I did to deserve her.
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