April 29, 2005

A Brief, Selfishly Bitter Moment.. ( we all get them)

**believe me, this is the edited version**

THINGS THAT HAVE CHANGED IN MY LIFE SINCE I BECAME A MOMMIE:
a list of negatives. I am in a bad mood right now. I am aware of the millions of good things, but i'm in a mood to complain. bear with me.

1. Body is SHOT. Seriously, my skin will never forgive me, and the ladies have plans to retire to the Belly Button Retirement Home

2. Um... well lets just say that fat ladies really aren't in the most "romantic" of moods most of the time.

3. Conversations that are one sided because the other person can't talk yet are now considered normal.

4. EVERYTHING that I do revolves around the little Dictator... when/what I eat or drink, when/if I sleep, and for how long, what I wear, where I go, how I get there, how long I stay, etc.

5. None of my shoes fit. Seriously, I wear my Water Socks from my maternigy water aerobics class to walk/jog because I have no sneakers that fit my now 7.5 feet.. only slip on shoes bought when huge pregnant, and winter shoes bought as soon as I could reach those feet afterwards.

6. None of my pants fit. Aparently I was also growing children in my ass and thighs.

7. None of my shirts are long enough to cover the yucky gut. Or, if they are long enough, I can't get them on over my boobs.

8. Being home and raising my little lady is more important to me then money, so now we have none. ( see #5 above as proof)

9. I Get to spend every day in a lovely guilt-full cloud ( see #8 above)

THINGS THAT HAVE CHANGED IN HIS LIFE SINCE HE BECAME A DADDY:
I'm sure this isn't really accurate, but as i stated, i'm in a mood, so this is how it seems right now.

1. Wife puts out MUCH less.

2. Wife much larger size now.

3. Wife not contributing financially at all.

4. Occasionally woke up late at night by annoying crying sound.. nothing a pillow over head won't block out.

5. Wife now complains on silly BLOG

____________________________________________________________

OK, I'm sure a positive list will be just around the corner.. but that's not the mood I'm in, so I'm passing the Bitchiness on....
I know I'll probably regret this post, but hell, I can always delete it later.
THIS IS THE PORTION OF MY BLOG ENTRY WHERE I ASK MY READERS TO WRITE SOME HUGE POSITIVE LOAD OF CRAP IN THE COMMENTS SECTION, WITH THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF LYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.
SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF:
" But Sabrina, you are looking SO thin, and Motherhood just makes you GLOW with beauty"
would be appropriate. OOH, and while you're at it, tell me I've won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes... that would just make my day!

6 comments:

alyca said...

Take a deep breath. Now breathe out. Repeat.
Tough times now, just realize that this is NOW and not FOREVER. I know you are working things out and figuring out how to make things work financially and you will get things going. And, since Raegan took 10 months to inflate your body, you have 10 months to deflate it again, so you still have 3 months to go. I am sure you are still on track. A lot can happen in 3 months. You sounded like you have some good options for a bit of extra money when we talked yesterday, and I am really counting on a bed-bath-and-beyond-family-of-an-employee-discount, so don't stop looking into that!

Davinie said...

I just saw you today and I was thinking that the butt-thigh looked nice in those jeans. You certainly outdress me everytime I see you. You must think I'm a regular slob!

Patience.

Mama-Beans said...

THANKS for all the posiive feedback!

alyca said...

Reasons why Babies are better than Cats:

1. Babies do not, in general, try to attack you when you rub their bellies

2. Babies do not try to eat your hand when they are feeling frisky.

3. Babies get diapers, and when they poop it is generally contained. They don't poop on the floor and try to cover it up with the bath mat

4. Babies who are breast fed have poop that does not stink (so I am told). Cats have poop that smells like, well, cat poop

5. Baby pee does not smell. Cat poop is a good cold remedy. When inhaled it cleans out the sinuses and makes your eyes water

6. Babies like to be held. For long periods of time. Cats like to be held. For short periods of time

7. When a baby doesn't want to be held anymore, they cry or fuss. When a cat doesn't want to be held anymore, they claw a hold in a delicate area of skin

8. Babies do not cause you physical pain (after birth). Cats try to dismember you on a daily basis.

9. Cats will let you pet them for a few minutes, babies will let you pet them all the time.

10. Cats live maybe 18 years if you are good to them. Babies live WITH you maybe 18 years if you are good to them, then they are good to you from elsewhere.

11. Cats shed. A lot. Especially when you have two of them. Babies are bald, and what little hair they lose is easily blended in with the carpet.

12. Did I mention how cats like to poke you??

13. Cats drool (some cats). Babies drool, but they don't shake their head and flick it all over you when they do.

14. Cats throw themselves at your bedroom door when they want your attention. Babies aren't that mobile.

15. Cats climb on top of the refrigerator and look at you and expect you to be proud of them. If your baby does this, you can send them to Ripley's Believe it or Not and get a ton of money.

alyca said...

#5 above should be cat PEE not POOP

frances said...

Well, as a mom I must admit that we all have these little moments. However, they do pass. Eventually your child will drive you so crazy that you will look at Matt and his pitiful "I'm not getting any" face and think "Serves you right, jackass!" Just think about that. What's more, you will also learn that peace and quiet by far beat slim thighs and butt and you will be so happy when your kid is at the relatives house and you can watch re-runs. Sounds amazing, I know, but it is true. The first time you take your kid to day care or she spends the night with a relative you will bawl but after a few times you will be giddy to dump her on whatever unsuspecting shmo you can. And, that bed mother thought will never ever even cross your mind. Welcome to my life.