Grumpy detailed complaining below. Be warned.
No sleep last night. Literally. Back ache, random contractions, headache, nausea, heartburn, and the lovely sensation that someone with a huge foot has kicked me in the lady parts. Nice.
Off to the doc today. Only 1cm dilated, soft, high. Ugh again, although that is how far I'd progressed after 2 days on pitocin with Rae, so it is something, at least. Cervix high, head low... how that's possible I'm not sure. Maybe the tipped uterus plays a part in this? His head is firmly butted against my pubic bone now.. Hence the kicked/bruised feeling.
Really, done now.
He prescribed some sleeping pills.. and that's it. I waited in that little room with the ridiculous paper dress on for 52 minutes. Yes, I kept track. He was in the room for 9 minutes and obviously in a hurry. See, usually I really like this doc, but today it kind of seemed like he was annoyed that I was even in there. It felt like he blew me and my concerns off completely. This is weird. Being pregnant with Raegan was so EASY! Being pregnant with Kael.... Honestly, I didn't know it could be this hard. But please, medical professional, don't make me feel like a whiny failure because I'm having a hard time dealing with this. Listen to me. Help me.
I'm not making up all of this stuff. I'm tired, just can't sleep. I feel weak. My headache actually makes the back of my head numb. I can't catch my breath. I'm light headed. I'm stressed.
My naughty bits HURT.
I am a piss poor parent to my daughter. I just can't deal with this body and it's complaints and her at the same time. I lose all patience and end up snapping at her for the littlest things. Then I hate my self for taking it out on her. I really think I would be a better mother to both of my children if I had my body back. My strength back. My energy back. My patience back. My sanity back. I think the hardest part is, it really could be 3 ( or more) weeks till this is over.
Three. More. Weeks.
He confirmed that I am in early labor.. but that could last weeks.. or hours. You never know.
He prescribes me sleeping pills. Says cheerfully "Only 3 weeks left!" as he saunters out the door.
I'm left sitting on that table, stupid paper dress wadded up around the giant butt-thigh, seeing spots, clutching a prescription for sleeping pills, crying.
3 weeks till due.