As you may know, I am a moderator on a Pregnancy and Parenting forum. This topic came up for discussion, and as I have an opinion on the topic, I responded. The answers the other ladies gave surprised me... so I wanted to post the debate to you.. I am curious as to your opinion, so please give it! Here's the situation:
Pregnant with a boy, the mother of the child is strongly opposed to the idea of circumcision. The father, on the other hand, is strongly in favor of the procedure. Both are passionate about their viewpoint.
Who "wins" and why?
If the result was a matter of a vote, who would you vote in favor of, and why? Father or mother?
Now this isn't a matter of what YOU would do with your child, but rather who has the stronger say in this issue, and why you feel that way.
I'll share my opinion after I've gotten some responses!
OK.... Debate!
*No, this has nothing to do with our particular household. Our decision has already been made! I was just surprised at the responses of the other women and was curious as to what the people I know in real life think about this issue.
13 comments:
I would say that Daddy would have the primary say over Mom..... he has a penis, he knows what needs to be done to clean it, the sensation it gets, etc. .... but it's a bummer they don't agree.
Of course, just because he has one of his own doesn't mean he's in charge of all penises, just that, if they both do the same research on pros and cons, and still can't come to a consensis.... his penis might be the tie-breaker.
"his penis miht be the tie-breaker." OK, that may be the funniest statement ever made. When, in real life will you EVER get to mutter that?? HA HA HA HA HA!
;-)
Oh my gosh! You guys are awesome! Yes, I agree that the daddy gets to make the decision based on experience etc.
I would say that the reasons that they each want one or the other should be taken into consideration.
I know from having a friend that worked in a urology office that I would ALWAYS make the circumcision decision. Doug went in with Jax and thought that it was no big deal. The healing process was a little scary but no worse or maybe even less worse than the healing and being careful of the umbilical cord process. I don't want to be cleaning anyone's penis anymore than I have to and my friends who have uncircumsised boys are a little too familiar with their kid's Mr. Happy.
All things taken into consideration I think that the dad should have the say though. Would you want your dad to decide whether you use tampons or pads when he wouldn't really know what the "deal" is?
2 comentors down... I know I have at least 4 of y'all that comment... Come on!!!
If the parents can't agree on permanently altering the kid's body, I think it should be left up to the kid to decide later when they are older.
I agree with Anonym. The procedure is irreversible (though I hear there are devices to stretch the foreskin later in life for those who are unhappy...), but it can be done later in life if it is the boy's decision.
I, for my part, would come down on the mother's side. No medical procedure involving narcotics should be done for purely aesthetic and supposedly hygienic reasons; especially on a child this young.
My opinion, of course, is influenced by the fact that I come from Europe. Here, circumcision is only done for religious reasons or if there exists a specific medical reason, such as too-tight foreskin, but never as a matter of course.
Quote: "...my friends who have uncircumcised boys are a little too familiar with their kid's Mr. Happy..."
Now why would that be? My best guess is that some ignorant individual told them they had to clean underneath their son's foreskin on a regular basis (or some such nonsense) despite the fact that the American Academy Of Pediatrics has said just the opposite and has further stated that little boys require no more care than little girls do.
As far as hygiene is concerned, ordinary external washing of the genital area during bathtime will suffice whether your child is intact or not. There's no need to do anything else and you could actually wind up injuring your child if you insist on becoming more intrusive in this regard.
We need to keep in mind that in the stated scenario, we have no way of knowing if Dad is circumcised or not. Consider this... If dad IS circumcised, how would he know what it's like NOT to be? he has a penis, he knows what needs to be done to clean it...." and if dad ISN'T circumcised, how would he know first hand what circumcision would do for his son? Just food for thought.... I'll post my views as soon as Alyca chimes in.... She's the last one on my list of regular commentors...although I am plesantly surprised to see some newcomers!
I would have to say that dad would be the tie-breaker. As the mother of a little boy, I can tell you just how strong his desire is to be, and I quote, "just like my daddy!!" I personally think that it is important for a kid to feel like he fits in at home, if no where else. That being said, I believe that circumcision is the way to go, as I too have heard the stories from the urologist's office.
Okay, okay....
There is absolutely NO medical reason for circumcision in most instances. On occasion, there are foreskin issues that make it a good idea, but that is not something that would occur at birth--a problem would come up later in life.
That having been said, I know that many men want their son to be 'just like them', so I get that, too, and most adult men who were born in the US ARE circumcised, although that trend is really changing. Many if not MOST other countries do not circumcise on a regular basis. I know in my vast experience with penises (seriously, about 75% of or our patient population is male, and most have a catheter in their bladder at some point, which must be cleanes to prevent infections.......I have seen more penises than probably all of 'yall combined), most of the foreign born males are NOT circumcised, and have no issues with cleanliness. We on occasion get someone who had some sort of trauma that has caused penis swelling, and in a couple cases the foreskin swelled up and could not be un-retracted, which was not a good thing. But that is rare.
Back to our scenario. I think that the idea of an adult or older child deciding to be circumcised is ludicrous. Face it--if it doesn't occur at birth, it is not gonna happen. Even just looking at the price for the procedure, it is dozens of times cheaper to do as a baby then as an adult, and it is really not that big of a deal that most people would go out of their way to pay for a spendy elective surgery on their penis, of all things.
In all of this, I think you have to err on the side of doing nothing-- once it is done, it is done and there is no going back. If dad is truly set on having the circumcision, he will become more 'set' on having it done and possibly more persuasive, otherwise mom wins.
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